a t a r a x i o n 。 e m p a t h y

[tofindthesun]

WARNING will contain mentions of killing and desecration of dead bodies and. other bad things.

leave a comment to plot things or find me on rancors and we can flail ideas at each other

L E G O L A S
app | memories
planned links
STAGE II
york logicunlocked
- caaaaalming things. nature-y things.

STAGE III
kili unbraided
- nov 7. cuddle pile with ethuil. gull > moria + balin's tomb > meadow
papaduil elvenking
frodo ringbearer

the mind
• lots of calm and quiet, the occasional elven melody, sometimes soothing, sometimes along the lines of tra la la lally down here in the valley
• sometimes concerned but also carefree and content at the same time
• mostly concentrating on the oxygen gardens and remembering how to work the technology
• acceptance of being stuck here and probably never going home; ties into being content
• spontaneous urge to start humming or singing under his breath. mostly in elvish.
• an underlying current of fear because of sauron. the shadow, the darkness.
• fuzzie wuzzies towards thranduil, aragorn, frodo, kili

the memory
THE GOOD
• learning how to shoot a bow [york]
• first hunting kill, a rabbit in the winter
• playing tag with friends in the snow. of note: running along the top of the snow. [frodo]
• bed time stories with mama and papaduil uguu [frodo]
• the sight/memory/smell/sound/feel of any number of trees, animals, meadows, flowers, streams, etc [york, kili]
• various festivals and woodland celebrations. of note: lots of dancing, singing, drinking, eating, partying in the middle of the forest in the middle of the night.
• lothlorien
• abax: bioluminescent flowers [thranduil]
• abax: interactions with castmates (eomer, eowyn, faramir, aragorn, frodo, etc)
• ataraxion: interactions with castmates (frodo, aragorn, thranduil, fili, kili, etc)
• abax: archery with lioriley, galen, susan pevensie, katniss everdeen
• abax: mild flirting with zevran over the network lol
• ataraxion: tacKLEHUGGING ARAGORN WELCOME BACK BRO that's it that's all the context you need

THE BAD
• first spider kill, the size of a young child. about as grotesque as you can imagine a spider being shot with an arrow
• learning woodcrafts; trapping, hunting, field dressing game
• seeing, feeling, hearing, and being told about the encroaching shadow, mostly as a 'military' briefing, partly being told by family members
• hearing the silence of the trees in hollin, the lamenting of the stones. deep they delved us, fair they wrought us, high they builded us; but they are gone. they sought the havens long ago. [york]
• various battles with spiders in mirkwood, or orcs and men with the fellowship. of note: parth galen, the death of boromir, helm's deep, the path of the dead, the fields of pelennor [york: mirkwood, helm's deep, pelennor]
• the stifling, deathly, lifeless silence of moria [kili: balin's tomb, gimli's grief]
• the fucking balrog
• abax: shadow creatures falling from the sky like fallen stars, the attacks and killings that follow
• ataraxion: telling dad about his sea-longing IT'S V SAD AND EMOTIONAL
• ataraxion: being told that the guy on the network is sauron DARK LORD COOTIES GET IT OFF GET IT OFF
• ataraxion: stasis sickness, snippets of the dream during stasis coma
• ataraxion: going into the ship with rey, garret, and corvo to hunt sum manticores
• ataraxion: they failed

THE UGLY
• hearing the sound of the gull and 'staring off into space'. of note: no words, but musical tone mixed in with rolling ocean waves that basically makes you yearn to cross the sea and 'go home' [kili]
• ataraxion: the terror of silence, being in the oxygen gardens and surrounded by plants but being unable to hear them (comes with the spontaneous urges to start humming)
• the aftermath of some battles. of note: hearing about the battle of the five armies and the last alliance, helm's deep, pelennor fields [york]
• abax: seeing network posts about friends dying because of shadow creatures
• abax: being asked by nikolai to kill him
• abax: killing nikolai luzhin
• ataraxion: meeting nikolai (again). comes with free knife against your throat.
• ataraxion: mask event. passively intense desire to protect friends and family. also wanting to take 'it' to better help protect his people. [frodo]

M A I R O N / S A U R O N
app | memories
PLANNED LINKS
STAGE II
meriadoc bemerry
- grab bag one of everything onE OF EVERYTHING the most mixed of feelings cr
will graham look
harry potter thebreakingwave
frodo ringbearer

STAGE III
elessar therangerking
thranduil elvenking
- debilitated cat and mouse + eric doesntdohumble for marriage counseling
arya stark wolfchild
- HAPPY THINGS + three hours of laptime for bedtime stories. so very sorry mrs. stark
am godofthemachine
galadriel inafadingcrown

the mind
• very quiet but very active in the background. being a gazillion years old means the weight of a gazillion years worth of memories, and probably the knowledge of that niggling constantly
• self-serving, mostly looking out for himself only, except when it suits him otherwise
• like the dragon (glaurung), arya, roy walker
• never actually sleeping
• occasional bursts of various thoughts not pertaining to life on the ship itself.
includes but isn't limited to: being proud for sending a king and his soldiers to their deaths in the land of the gods as well as sinking the island they came from; violent intentions towards aforementioned king, ar-pharazon; melkor (just melkor); the other ainur; eru
• not really thinking much about life on the ship actually.
• very detailed architectural blueprints of metalwork designs (jewelry, weapons, shields, armor, etc)
• occasional, very long spurts of dead silence. like space silence. see: the good

the memory
THE GOOD (FOR YOU)
• communicating with eru/god and other ainur. of note: disembodied, deprived of senses, pure thought
• leaning about chaos and order, power and weakness, love and hate
• a crescendo of music that encompasses all that arda (earth) ever will be, the entire history of it, condensed into song [thranduil, meriadoc]
• the creation of arda, taking physical form and entering it, the shaping of arda by the hands of the ainur (and his own very hands) [elessar]
• working in the smithy [harry potter]
• organizing shit

THE MIXED FEELINGS (FOR HIM)
• just about anything mentioned in the silmarillion proper [galadriel: celebrimbor]
• serving under melkor [galadriel: finrod's death]
• melkor being arrested. twice. for misdemeanor. god, you'd think he'd learn.
• shapeshifting: giant wolf, giant snake, giant bat, going around bodiless in general
• 200 year hiatus after melkor's arrest [aragorn]
- restlessness, wandering, trying to fix arda and do something but nothing work
• destruction of beleriand
- not really his fault, the valar came to fight morgoth and kinda trampled it underwater
• destruction of numenor
- totally his fault. includes the corruption of the island's people and death by drowning. for the whole island.
• destruction of hollin [meriadoc, will graham, elessar]
- also totally his fault because someone wouldn't tell him where they hid their shinies. includes putting celebrimbor's body on a spike to use as a war banner
• destruction of-- no just taking over eriador
- and consequently being shunted out of it by gil galad a year later
• raising glaurung (the dragon), draugluin (the first ever evil talking wolf), watching carcaroth (melkor's pet evil talking wolf) grow up [will graham]
• weaseling his way into numenor and going from prisoner of war to the king's court adviser to high priest of melkor
• overseeing human sacrifices to melkor/morgoth [am]
• the making of the rings [galadriel: making of the one ring; frodo]
• the first nazgul (or assorted memories relating to them) [frodo]
• rng something i dare you

THE WHO THE HELL KNOWS AMALGAMATION OF EVERYTHING ELSE
• ataraxion: any number of conversations between him and arya, meriadoc, galadriel, jehan
• the void
• arda, before elves and men. very empty and quiet and calm and ordered and he's very content with that part
• except for the part where melkor is making volcanoes and destroying shit